PRINCIPLES GUIDING LONG LASTING RELATIONSHIPS

Can two walk together, except they be agreed? (Amos 3:3 KJV)

The need to be loved is a basic psychological need of man. It belongs to the third tier of need after ones physiological need (food, water, warmth, rest) and safety (security) need as arranged in the famous Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. This third tier of need is known as the “Belongingness and love need” from which intimate relationships and friendships are born. Man wants to belong to a group and this affirmation sets the tune for his life. A person denied of love will eventually become a misfit in the society while someone who grew up in a loving environment as communicated by family and friends will eventually become successful and a blessing to himself and the society as also supported by Maslow’s above motivational theory.

Relationships however, have lengths. There are short terms, intermediate and long term relationships. In other words, there are casual, average and lasting relationships. The amount of input needed to sustain these relationships varies. The value they also provide varies. You must never confuse a casual relationship for a lasting one and an average relationship for a lasting one. For the purpose of this work, we will consider lasting relationships. A relationship that will really count is a lasting relationship. A relationship that makes you better, be at peace within you and helps you give your best is a lasting relationship. You cannot afford to live life without building such relationships because they help in making smoother navigations through life. They are however recognized, developed and sustained by principles which are grouped into three (3) namely:
Principle relating with oneself (Inward)
Principle relating with God (Vertical)
Principle relating with others (Horizontal).

PRINCIPLE RELATING WITH ONESELF (INWARD): The law of correspondence states the outer world is a reflection of the inner world. This universal law also means that our current reality is a mirror of what is going on inside us. It becomes obvious that our lives can only attract what we belief. Some people just believe they cannot keep friends for too long. This isn’t just meant for me. They keep saying things like “My friends always leave me”. The first point of call is your mindset because your outer world is a reflection of your inner world (thoughts, beliefs and attitudes). Have a paradigm shift in your thought life today – say to yourself: “I am lovable, I am friendly, People like me, I am blessed and I am a blessing”. Secondly believe you have what it takes to keep lasting friendships for it is written that "As a man thinks in his heart, so he is" meaning you only become what you continuously brood upon. People who do it just do it. Learn from past mistakes, be open to discussions, dispense the blessing you said you have and you will see yourself moving forward. Lastly, maintain a CHASTE attitude. Being chaste also means being pure, virtuous and faithful. Only faithful people keep lasting relationships.

PRINCIPLE RELATING WITH GOD (VERTICAL): The Holy Scriptures says “But he giveth more grace. Wherefore he saith, God resisteth the proud, but giveth grace to the humble” – James 4:6 KJV. In order for you to have a sound relationship with men, you need a cordial relationship with God. His grace is all that is needed to keep lasting relationships. You must be humble enough to resort to God daily if you must sustain lasting relationships. It is the ‘God’ that men see in you that sustains the bond for long. Never be too self-sufficient because if you do, you will eventually lose your grip over men. Over time, I have come to terms with this principle.  My friends seem to get closer to me by the day and all I can trace this to is that I am glued to God. In lasting relationships, you have the right words at the right time (Lk 12:12). You know when and how to joke. You exploit leisure times (chat, attend picnics, go for movies, programs and functions). You give as opportunity presents itself (Gal 6:10). All these are a product of being led by God (Rom 8:14). It is however the humble enough that enjoys such benefits. Determine to be a sheep today.

PRINCIPLE RELATING WITH OTHERS (HORIZONTAL): It might seem as though there is an overlap or better still the latter part of the above explanation should be contained here. The above content is intentional because I will want to establish the fact that ‘life is spiritual’. Your social life is enshrined in your spiritual life. This section is an extension of the above. The extent of bloom you will enjoy in your horizontal relationship is a derivative of the strength of your vertical relationship. The key word here is LOVE. In the game of love, there are on victims, there are no casualties. This is what keeps long lasting relationships. You love and esteem him/her like your brother/sister. There are no ill feelings or ulterior motives. When love leads, outcomes are always beautiful because none is selfish, sentimental or sensual. Perfect love casts away all fear (1 John 4:18). So when you hear people that were once deeply in love fall out or have a divorce or separation, truth is they never understood the true meaning of love, they mistook lust or infatuation as love. Please get it right, having a long lasting relationship dwell on these principles and rightly understood and followed. Selah