THIS THING CALLED MARRIAGE

"Ohhh myyy goddd", Temi was staring at her phone when she suddenly let out that exclamation. "What is it"?, asked Queeneth who could tell Temi just almost had a panic attack. "Talk now", said Queeneth, who was still looking at  Temi expecting her to tell of what she had just seen. Queeneth could tell that Temi, who had been her very close friend for over 7years was caught up and surprised at whatever was holding her gaze. Queeneth not minding, stood up, went over to where Temi was seated, took her phone to get a glimpse of what had made her exclaim.


''Wow! Check out that diamond ring, it's so beautiful", said Queeneth  who was carried away also and had forgotten she was with someone else's phone. "Wait a minute, Isn't this Sandra your younger sister; awww so she's engaged now, that's lovely. Emeka her fiance is such a go-getter. Haven't they been together for just 2 years now?" Queeneth looked over to Temi's direction, expecting a reply but what she saw was rather a discouraged and sad looking face.

"Temi, what's the matter", asked Queeneth. Is everything okay?  Temi with a shaky voice that revealed tears gathering up replied almost immediately "No, everything isn't okay. What's wrong with me; what? Sandra is my youngest sister, the baby of the house, already engaged. She's quarter to getting married. Am I jinxed or what?  "Tola has been married for two years now, Gbemi got married last year, am I not supposed to be the one getting engaged now ehn Queeneth? , they all are my younger sisters".

Queeneth could feel her pain. She had never seen Temi this hurt for the past years of their friendship. Temi had become like her own blood sister. They had become very best of friends right from university days and they shared almost everything. Queeneth could reason with what Temi had just said. She understood that life could be funny especially when it came to this thing called marriage.

"Oh my dear Temi", Queeneth said as she moved closer to Temi and wrapped her hands around her, "You don't have to feel down or sad, your time would surely come". Queeneth could hear herself give goodly advice to her friend as if she too wasn't in the same condition. She and Jones had been in a relationship for over three years now but Jones wasn't making the right moves as to consolidate their relationship. She wasn't sure if it was because he just lost his job but then she needed to give him the benefit of a doubt.

"Temi listen, there's something you need to know. I understand we ladies because of the way we have been made, yearn for that emotional tie with the right man but Marriage is way more than that". Infact, she continued, there's an audio recording Pastor Leslie gave me few days ago, Temi's countenance seemed to have lighten up a bit on hearing the name of their Pastor's wife. Queeneth added, "I have never listen to a good message on Marriage as this". "Are you for real? asked Temi's who, putting herself together was keen on knowing what it was about. "Oh yes", said Queeneth, "infact after I listened to it, it enlightened my mind and gave me rest. It's not something I can gist you, you would have to listen to it to get the full gist
 of the whole message".


As Temi reclined on her seat waiting for Queeneth to fetch her phone so she could send the message to her via Xender, she knew she had come to the end of dating. She wasn't going to just date anyone anymore all because she wanted to feel loved and wanted. She wanted much more. She wanted a kind of commitment that was certainly going to end up in marriage. And if any guy came her way again without marriage as the end of the plan, no way. She was done!


"Here you go", Queeneth said after transferring the file to Temi's phone. She knew that what her dear friend was about listening to, would cause a positive shift in the way she viewed love, relationships, courtship and marriages just like it did to her. Temi already set to listen, connected her bluetooth earphones. She could see she had over 50 chats awaiting her indulgence but she ignored them, heading straight to her music app, she found the message with the  title, "This Thing Called Marriage" and without delaying, she hit play.


When God created man, He knew that man could not stay alone without a companion because He had seen the power of relationship even with the Trinity. So when man had accomplished all He had set him to do, the time was right to reward him, to give to him a part of him that not only completes him but also that which he delights in. God created woman so as to bring to light the ever first institution that would be the most important, most wanted and most desired on the surface of the earth; marriage.

When it comes to marriage, woman was created specially to fill that need of wanting more, of satisfying deep desire and having the need of  companionship of a man. No wonder women are emotional in nature because they are a product of God's yearn for relationship. And there was no way God could consolidate this in creation than to make man to cleave with a woman other than in marriage.

No wonder apostle Paul said man was not created for woman rather, women where created for men. And so when you see a woman who has almost  everything; has a good paying job, has lands and properties  in her name, is at the peak of her profession, a successful career woman, have child outside wedlock and so on, but does not have a husband or isn't under the lordship of a man in the confines of Marriage; such a woman isn't take as being fulfilled.

This thing called Marriage can be  a stepping stone and at the same time a stumbling block to many. It becomes the latter when the two involved do not prepare their minds, hearts, heads and pockets before jumping in. It isn't for show off. Many ladies want to get engaged in order for them to tick on the list of accomplishments. More so, others do in other for them to flaunt their engagement rings to their friends on social media meanwhile,  having the slightest knowledge of what truly holds and sustains a good marriage.

Good marriages exists no matter how rampant the news of bad and nasty breakups and divorce keeps circulating the air. In other to position oneself for a good marriage, certain things should never be taken for granted. First is the quality of heart of the individual. There are those with good hearts and there are those who are mean hearted. You would have able to discern like God did when He rejected Eliab and choose David. Hearts don't lie, even better than hips. No matter how they tend to cover up, their true self is exposed when enough light is focused on them. The quality of the hearts of the individuals in any relationship is directly proportional to the length and nature of such a relationship.


Another is how well do you two connect emotionally, intellectually, physically, spiritually and still have lots of happiness that crowns it all? Another way to say this is Tolerance, having a kind of sweet and loving refrain from taking drastic negative decisions which could affect the relationship. Unfortunately ,a lot of people tend to set compatibility right by going sexual, not knowing they are actually suffocating the chances for that relationship to work. Sex wasn't created for boyfriend and girlfriend; it was created for man and wife. When is is done in the former, it has an explosive reaction. Being happy in a marriage is beyond important. If you are not sure of your happiness, then don't bother otherwise, you will be sipping cups of depression along the marriage.

So before you think of wanting so bad to settle down and be married, remember it's a life long commitment that entails good knowledge at work upstairs so as to make the right choice. Don't get worked up with what is happening around you, be happy for them when you hear the news of their engagement, let them know you wish them well but then for you, keep adding value to yourself, go for knowledge, apply it daily in the way you walk, talk, your carriage and your perception about life and Marriage. Sooner than you think, you will be caught up in this beautiful thing called marriage.

Temi took a deep breath and let out a sigh of relief as the massage came to an end. This was definitely for me she said as she stood up to get ready for a colleague's party get together.


Your Love Coach, 
@thelovejunkie