George's Preferred Choice

The pressure had become unbearable. George's family wondered whether he had exchanged matrimonial vows with a man. They couldn’t understand why George's  wife, Nadine could not get pregnant. Often accused of pre-marital promiscuity, Nadine constantly drenched her sheets with tears.
‘Why must having a child be the defining characteristic of a woman in this society?’ she asked herself.
The very thought of her mother-in-law visiting sent volts of pain across her synapses. The house would once again become worse than a roofless shelter due to the intense persecution and taunts about her childlessness.

Nadine had been subjected to all forms of therapy – orthodox and traditional, necessary and detrimental. 3 years into her marriage, having gone into it with unbroken vows of purity and chastity despite societal pressures, she wondered if being barren was the reward for discipline and self control. Why would God let her go through so much pain? The heat was also turned up in George as recommendations and suggestions of taking a second wife poured in from family members especially his mother but he constantly stood up in defence of his beloved wife. He loved her without question or doubt. He was determined not to take a second wife in spite of the pressures from family. Well, there’s only so much a man can take. A second wife was eventually forced on him and as if the universe concurred with his family, she began producing child after child. She joined the taunt fest against Nadine and piled up her misery.

George now had children but he still loved Nadine dearly. His first choice was always Nadine. The children he now had did not in any way cause his love for her to diminish. He rather loved her the more to the extent that he put her needs above those of “co-wife” and kids. At any public function or event, Nadine was always the one by his right hand. “Co-wife” and kids remained in the background.

Now, hope you aren’t expecting me to tell you that “this happened, that happened and afterwards, Nadine became pregnant”. It’s not a movie. Anyway, this story isn’t fiction. To find out the eventual events, log on to 1 Samuel 1:1-28.

I want us to realize one thing. Love is a choice not an emotion. Love is active while emotion is passive. Why did George love Nadine in spite of her barren state and depression? It is because he made a choice to love her. Her being barren could have made him feel less of a man among his contemporaries especially in a culture where having kids is as compulsory as brushing your teeth. But he never let that get in the way of his choice to love her. He gave her more than she asked for, elevated and treasured her and placed high value on her. He made a decision. He made a choice.

Emotions like happiness, anger, hurt and the likes all have peaks and troughs. They even completely fade away but Love does not fail (1 Cor 13:8). Love is a choice because if you say you love someone because of a particular reason or feature, then it is not love. Love is demonstrated in absence of reason. It is not personality or character specific. That is why Jesus died for the same people who despised him (He chose to love). That is why Jonathan protected David from his father Saul when it was obvious that David was going to be king in his stead (He chose to love).

Most times, we act on our emotions and jump into friendships, relationships and marriages without making the choice to love. After a while, emotions wear off and reality sets in. Little wonder divorce rates are high and ‘heart breaks’ are now a cliché. Christ demonstrated his love for us in that while we were still sinners, he died for us (Romans 5:8). He did not require us to become saints before loving us. There was no reason for him to love us the way he did. But he chose to love us.

Friends, love is a choice. If you still seek for reasons to love, then you are not yet ready to love. Love transcends physical appearance and attributes, character and personality traits, tribe and religious affiliation. If you desire your relationships to abound, choose to love.

Dr Lambert Iji