The word understanding means different things in different contexts. In this article we'll work with the most appropriate meaning to our subject of discussion. Understanding therefore is the ability to be sympathetically aware of other people’s feelings. In a nutshell, it means sympathy.
Love is what many people know about and want but they often fail to realise that love cannot be what it is without the coming together of these other essential ingredients, among which is understanding. Love is like a very delicious meal that is served. However, that meal didn't just happen. Several things went into the preparation of the meal.
In this series we have been looking at those several other things that help produce the spicy meal of love we all desire. We have considered several others and today our focus is on understanding. Acknowledging the place of understanding is very essential in any relationship that will be successful, long lasting and sweet. Understanding helps you create room for the flow of compassion.
Understanding in Display
Let's look at this analogy so we understand what I mean. Kelvin gets home quite earlier than his wife on this fateful day and it so happens that she arrives some minutes later than when she usually would come in. This is usually not the case though. She normally would get home earlier than Kelvin to make dinner ready for the family.
The hunger that hits him the moment he realises she's already some minutes late, starts to make anger set in and almost makes him call Bella up to express his displeasure. But he pulls himself together instead and goes to the kitchen to fix something for the family.
Bella comes home with a look in her face that tells of the so many unexpected challenges she's been through for the day, mixed with pleas to her husband. She starts apologising for everything and at the same time she hurries off, heading in the direction of the kitchen to fix dinner. But Kelvin pulls her back, calms her down and lets her know that's been taken care of.
What We Learn
We see here that two possible outcomes could have emanated from the above illustration. Kelvin would have chosen to wait with the hunger to cause chaos on seeing Bella at her return which would have made her more depressed or as we already have seen, kelvin chose to understand even before knowing what kept Bella away and his display of understanding greatly helped the situation.
The opposite of understanding is misunderstanding. When we fail to express understanding, we naturally generate misunderstanding. No relationship can experience sweetness, last long and be successful in such an atmosphere. No matter how promising a relationship is, misunderstanding is a sure killer. It will kill the joy, the freedom, the excitement and the oneness.
We need to, as it were, to study our spouse/partner. It's important to understand your spouse's behaviour, moods, character, possible flaws and what could make them better or make them weak at any time etc. Knowing these things and using thee knowledge to deliberately improve our relationships, will help us treat each other much better. They'll also help us prevent those things that destroy the peace, harmony and oneness in a relationship.
Cool, Calm and Collected
Understanding also displays itself as knowing your spouse well and accepting them for who are at the moment, while you hope for things to get better. When you're operating in understanding, it becomes a habit to give them the benefit of doubt in any situation. That is, doubt that they purpose to just do wrong and believe rather that they meant well.
An individual who has trained himself/herself in expressing understanding towards their partner/spouse does not get ticked off any longer even at their unhealthy reaction to an issue. This person knows that they might have been allowing their emotion over ride their thinking at that time. Instead of also getting mad, they decide to calm down, ignore and bring up the discussion at a later time when the other person is sober and more sane.
If you're easily driven to anger or some other form of unhealthy emotional outburst by the things happening around you, especially those responses and reactions from those you love, you're yet to mature in showing understanding. Tell yourself you'll be the strong and stable one who's able to soak in all the pressure and ,resist all the madness directed at you without shifting a brow. If you can stay quiet, smile it away and tell them how much you love them even at that moment, you'll be probing your maturity.
Finally
Becoming understanding towards your spouse does not happen overnight. It can be a process. What matters is that you make the decision express sympathy even before you are furnished with all the details of their action or inaction.
Your show of understanding will kill hurts, annoyance and conflicts because they won't even have a chance to fester. Whether they say so or not, your spouse needs compassion and that is what you give when you choose to display understanding.
Keep Loving, Keep Living...............LOVE ISSUES
@Bibilovejunkie
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