RELATIONSHIP REDLINES

Oh, let me warn you, sisters in Jerusalem:
Don't excite love, don't stir it up, until the time is ripe—and you're ready (Songs of Songs 8:4 MSG).

Humans are social beings. As simple as this is, if our basic cordiality is contravened, life is messed up. No one is entirely an introvert. You cannot do life all by yourself. You are wired to relate, love and share. An experiment was done many years ago with an aim to identify humans original language. This was designed by keeping babies in an isolated place under the watch of skilled hands and the best of care. They were well fed but not a word was said to them. The perception of the scientist was to identify the first language they will produce. This will inform him on what the earth's first language really was. To his utter amazement, all the babies died one after the other. He came to a conclusion that material provision isn't only needed for sustenance; survival also depends on deeper forms of relationship like communication. I hereby conclude that our one language is love.

Relationships are in diverse forms as we relate to different people at different times for different reasons and to different depths. These relationships are meant to be carefully defined and managed in order to produce the very best. Your relationship will veer off course if allowed to naturally advance. You must be deliberate about your relationship with people; more importantly with the opposite sex. Your relationship with him/her is not an experiment. You will be hurting someone if you have the mindset of say "Things will resolve themselves", "Let's see how we will end", "I am just having fun" or "Let's enjoy the moment". My goal is to share some redlines that should guide you if you want to maximize your relationships.

1) SURGE OF EMOTIONS (1 Cor 14:8)
The upsurge of emotions is a natural tendency when two people of the opposite sex begin to spend time together. It is not wise to continue in an intimate relationship with someone you won't eventually marry. The above verse says: who will prepare for battle when the sound of the trumpet isn't clear. Don't live your life on assumptions or presume the other party will understand. This is a harsh reality but don't satisfy your emotional need with someone you obviously aren't sure will end up being your wife or husband. It is a redline. Maintain your friend zones and let everyone be happy. It can lead you to sin, rob you both of your friendship benefits and eventually deprive you of joy. Learn from Ammon who couldn't manage his emotions. He raped his sister Tamar but didn't escape the sword of Absalom (2 Sam 13). Our main verse from Songs of Songs was repeated thrice in the same book. Don't awake love when you aren't read.

2) CONFLICT OF PURPOSE
In the journey of life, our purposes are as our faces. As seemingly little a purpose might be, that is what makes that person and it ought to be respected. In your relationship, don't put your partner before your purpose. Your purpose is what makes you you. You lose your individuality the moment you try to fit into the plan of another whilst downplaying on your goal and aspiration. Being in a relationship shouldn't subsume you; it should rather esteem you. The moment you lose your personality in the web of relationship, you won't end up that happy you. Prayerfully seek for relationships that will bring out the best in you and not the other way round. You will definitely find your perfect match at the perfect time (Ecc 3:1).

3) EXCHANGE OF GIFTS (Ecc 7:7b). 
Gifts are meant to show appreciation, regard and value for someone. It may not necessarily be money per se but your words, time, concern and the likes. It is a love language many people respond to. It is needed to maintain the knot of any lasting relationship. In a broader sense, your gift matters but can also be a bait when the intention behind it is unknown. From the above verse we understand that a gift can destroy or corrupt the heart. Take your time to sieve out gifts that aren't gifts per se. Some gifts are baits and can lead you into a relationship that you wouldn't have given attention or commitment to. Have the mindset of being whole (Col 2:10). No gift can make you complete. You are complete in Christ. The gift is just a complement that you can do without.

Your relationship is meant to take you to the next height in life; you must however keep the right perspective in view. Appreciate the friends and folk around you but be skilled in managing them properly. Grow up, don't cry just about anything, watch out for redlines and trust God for strength as you navigate the phase of single hood. Have a pure heart and see yourself ascend in life. I celebrate you!