THE PORTRAIT OF A MAMA'S BOY 2

The law of the LORD is perfect, converting the soul: the testimony of the LORD is sure, making wise the simple. 
Psalm 19:7(KJV)

I dropped off last week by asking a fundamental question and that's where we are going to be kicking off from. Who really is at fault when it comes to a man who apparently is married to a woman but yet still has a very strong connection with his mother which isn't healthy. Please note I said 'it isn't healthy' for some might say "common what's wrong with a man always wanting to show so much love and affection to his mother?" After all it is written that one should honour their father and mother so their days may be long on earth (Eph 6:2-3) - Yes.  However, the same Word of truth emphatically speaks of a man leaving his father and mother and cleaving to his wife (Gen 2:24). This I shall expantiate so as to balance the meaning of both instructions.

Outrightly, it is not the mother of the man who is to blame for her being overly attached to her son as well as being overprotective , or her being needy of her son's attention and has created a kind of relationship with him where they both are very dependent on each other. Unfortunately, some religious mothers even think it's okay especially using the scripture stated above (in Eph 6:2)  as a reason why they do what they do. I tell you, it's the fault of the man who grew up with such attachment to his mother but has refused to accept knowledge and sound instruction that ought to upgrade his level of maturity in dealing with his mum's need for attention and fully giving his attention to his wife.

HOW TO SPOT /KNOW A MAMA'S BOY.
The following are signs you as either his girlfriend/fiancee/wife should look out for.

1) He keeps the relationship with his mother as first priority before that of you his wife/fiancee.

2.He can't refuse his mother no matter her request or contribution.

3)They both communicate everyday  or almost everyday.

4)He refers to his mother all the time when you both are having a conversation.

5)He compares you to his mother either consciously or unconsciously.

6)He finds it difficult to make decisions without involving his mum but does not see it same way with his wife.

7)He always sides her much more than he sides you his wife or fiancee or girlfriend in any matter.

8)Such a man often have financial ties to his mother, which is a way for the mother to keep him within her reach.

9)He does not confront/rebuke his mother  when she openly mistreats his wife in actions or in words.

10) He tells or shares every discussion or conversation he has with his wife to his mum.

All these and even many more shows that he is a mama's boy but the bottom line is, he isn't sensitive to you as his wife as much as he is to his mum and that makes this disposition wrong, unhealthy and one that must be systematically and progressively managed.

HOW TO DEAL WITH THE SITUATION. 

The first step in curbing such an unhealthy relationship  is for the truth to be made known to him with empathy, calmness and wisdom not by always speaking ill of his mother's actions or reactions, nor trying to put her where she belongs. Dealing with the situation has nothing to do with his mum from your end but solely between you and your man. It is his responsibility to act. That's why the understanding of Gen2:24 is paramount especially in solving this. As a matter of fact, the understanding of this verse is the foundation of having a solid marriage that will endure hard times in dealing with third parties. It says "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh". What this essentially means is that the bond that existed between a man and his parents which includes mainly emotional,financial and physical; should no longer be but rather should be transferred completely to his new family which begins with first his wife. It does not mean he no longer cares or honours his parents but that he now has a more important relationship with his wife. It is the understanding of this truth that sets him free. (John 8:32)


I round off with some advice. If you are a lady dating or in courtship to such a man, now is the time to deal with it. Do not because of love overlook these signs; get wisdom, open up to him, speak to someone you both are accountable to and let it be dealt with now. If you are a wife, prayer is key. Pray as well as also let him know how it makes you feel. Do not think keeping quiet is respecting his ego. You have got to prayerfully address it as well as talk to someone you both respect and are accountable to. Brothers, we know you love your mum, we all do but then she's got her place now while your new family has got it's place -one that's even higher. Allow the wisdom of God's word lead you so that peace, love and happiness serenade you and your family. You will prosper. Cheers!